Yesterday I didn't have my phone on me for practically the whole day. Shock horror :p The friend I have mentioned previously had txted me earlier saying along the lines of "You have no idea how tempted I am to kill myself to right now." Keep in mind this was hours before. I txted back instantly. She then asked what I would do if she had actually done it? Just out of interest. What would I have done? I know for a fact that the guilt would overwhelm me entirely. I still blame myself for my Dad's severe episode when I was 10 even though all logic tells me I shouldn't. I should of spoken out earlier.
If she had actually done it I'm not sure I could handle it and I believe I can handle a lot. Maybe that is arrogant but it's better, easier and more comforting than believing I can't. I don't believe that I will commit suicide or anything as extreme but I don't think I will ever be the person I am now. I would be damaged indefinitely. I know she does read this blog, so don't take this post in the wrong context. I'm just trying to comprehend my thoughts and emotions.
No clearer unfortunately.
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