I Have Never Been So Afraid Of Posting...

Words are my enemies. Every time I open my mouth to voice my good for nothing opinion before the words have even left my tongue they have offended someone. More often than not someone I truly care about. I am sick of apologizing for thinking. I don't want to imagine the amount of hate I am going to receive for that statement. But I've dug myself a hole that has caved in on me, so who gives a fuck? I give up. I can't do this anymore. Someone please cut out my tongue, cut off my fingers. Maybe then no one will experience pain from my wrong doing. I wish I was still the little girl who was scared to be herself. As only my fears have been confirmed. I want to give up thinking, thinking hurts. I can't though, that would be giving up me.

What A Day

I am sorry. My blog has been neglected majorly. And I do not have an excuse either. Just enjoying the holidays. Today I spent the majority of tha day with Jesse. And before you ask, no nothing happened. Surprisingly I wouldn't have it any other way. It's just nice to know that he actually wants to get to know me entirely. That is a first for me.

To prevent myself from going all 'mushy' I shall change the subject.
I haven't been expressing my opinions much lately, so here goes. Storme, I'm all for change but it can only have an effect to a certain extent. No change in appearance, no name change is going to fundamentally change how you think, how you act, how you react, what you say, what you believe is important in life and what is not. In other words what makes you who you are. I know you are not happy with who you are. Are you sure this is the way to deal with that? If you are, well that is your decision and you have every right to do so. I admit that I may be wrong, however may I have the right to question. Keep in mind I am open to anything that helps.

Survive

We have done it guys. We have survived our first year of high school. And that is an achievement in itself. I am so glad I have met all of you, true friends that I believe and hopefully will last. Friends that hopefully in ten, twenty, thirty years time will still somehow be apart of my life. Fuck, this has probably been the hardest year of my life thus far. Yet I remember how I thought, acted and felt last year around this time and I'm so very different. Some admittedly bad others good. I have learnt many lessons and skills and am slowly developing opinions, values and myself. That is all I can really say.