To Vent

I will give you a heads up. I am in a very strange mood at this post will probably reflect that.
So where should I start?

Dear friend
I am a rather think skinned individual, I have learnt to ignore others and their vile comments. However, when a friend yells in your face that you are a retard over a mere $2, do you really think I am going to forget that? That it didn't hurt? That I am not going to take it to heart? I of all people realise that you may of not meant it. That you may not of wanted to hurt me. I have made the same mistake, many times. I just thought that you should know. Believe it or not I am incredibly sensitive, and it makes me think that that is how little you value my feelings. Friend, don't think I hate you, I love you I just loathe what you did. I'm not one of those girls who talks about people behind their backs, rather tackle things head on. So this is what I'm trying to do.

Today I also realised I am always in the shadows, and in the unlikely chance I am not it is always for the wrong reason. I do not like attention nor do I crave it but that does not mean I do not want recognition. Today we had to nominate who we thought was the most supportive in our class, another friend of mine was having trouble thinking of anyone. Admittedly selfishly that hurt. I kept thinking of all those nights I stayed up txting her trying to help combat her depression. All those worried thoughts about her well being. All those tears. But no, I'm just expected to do that. Just saying this is big headed and awful of me. But I am only human, one of those truly vile creatures. I can't believe I just typed that. Me, forever positive, forever hopeful me.

I shock even myself.


Please keep in mind this is me at my worse.